Humor Quotes by Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”

Funny

Horse

Humor

Bill Bailey

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don’t actually think that’s the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote ‘my brain is melting’ ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

Book

Funny

Humor

Bill Bailey

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

Funny

Humor

Rocks

Bill Bailey

But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”

Country

Funny

Humor

Bill Bailey

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Funny

Humor

Vegetarianism

Bill Bailey

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

Existentialist

Funny

Humor

Bill Bailey

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

Funny

Humor

Woods

Bill Bailey

I got ham but I’m not a Hamster

Funny

Ham

Humor

Bill Bailey

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’

Dad

Funny

Humor

Bill Bailey

I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.

Funny

Humor

Thinking

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Jeff Bridges

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Beautiful

Believe

Book

Chocolate

Contentment

Country

Couple

Dad

Despair

Disappointment

Doubt

Ducks

Earning

Easier

Enough

Existentialist

Funny

Gigs

Guitar

Ham

Hands

Holiday

Horse

Humor

Jobs

Kinder

Knowing

Lasts

Laughing

Lavender

Law

Littles

Meat

Morning

Orange

Outlook On Life

Past

People

Pigs

Religious

Rocks

Running

Scotch

Son

Sound

Surprise

Swans

Talking

Television

Thinking

Unique

Vegetarianism

Vintage

Way

Woods

Would Be

Humor Quotes by Bill Bailey

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don’t actually think that’s the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote ‘my brain is melting’ ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

I got ham but I’m not a Hamster

I once punched a bloke in the face for saying ‘Hawk the Slayer’ was rubbish, when what I should have said ‘Dad, you’re wrong.’

I think we’ve missed a trick there. We could develop wheat with the properties of Velcro… to catch whatever it is that’s forming those crop circles! But then the spaceship would have to have the corresponding Velcro, so it’s a bit of a long shot.

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Humor Quotes by

Jeff Bridges

Christian Morgenstern

Lewis Black

John Buchan

Bob Inglis

Topics by Bill Bailey

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