Quotes by Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”

Funny

Horse

Humor

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.

Laughing

Lavender

Orange

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don’t actually think that’s the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote ‘my brain is melting’ ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

Book

Funny

Humor

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

Funny

Humor

Rocks

But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”

Country

Funny

Humor

Contentment is knowing you’re right

Contentment

Knowing

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

Funny

Humor

Vegetarianism

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

Existentialist

Funny

Humor

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

Funny

Humor

Woods

I got ham but I’m not a Hamster

Funny

Ham

Humor

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Beautiful

Believe

Book

Chocolate

Contentment

Country

Couple

Dad

Despair

Disappointment

Doubt

Ducks

Earning

Easier

Enough

Existentialist

Funny

Gigs

Guitar

Ham

Hands

Holiday

Horse

Humor

Jobs

Kinder

Knowing

Lasts

Laughing

Lavender

Law

Littles

Meat

Morning

Orange

Outlook On Life

Past

People

Pigs

Religious

Rocks

Running

Scotch

Son

Sound

Surprise

Swans

Talking

Television

Thinking

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

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The Autobiography

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The Behaviour Diary

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The Dating Diary

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The Relationship Therapist

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Quotes by Bill Bailey

Bill Bailey

A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says “Why the long face?”. The horse replies: “I’m deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existence and the extent to which I am now protected by law.”

Add a drop of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you’re laughing at it.

Aldous Huxley took the drug mescaline and then chronicled his experience in the book The Doors of Perception. Now, I don’t actually think that’s the first thing he wrote: he probably wrote ‘my brain is melting’ ten thousand times, but it was the book that the critics latched on to.

American rock has a sort of self-pitying whine to it.

But our country’s equivalent of gritty reality is more like “Look out Sarge, he’s got a shooter!”

Contentment is knowing you’re right

Hitler was a vegetarian. Just goes to show, vegetarianism, not always a good thing. Can in some extreme cases lead to genocide.

I am a confectionery-based existentialist.

I am Zebedee, lord of the woods! Bow down snail, I have dominion!

I got ham but I’m not a Hamster

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Topics by Bill Bailey

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The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

The Relationship Therapist

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