Quotes by Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz

A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.

Christie

Race

Tests

A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you’re poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.

Dog

Gay

Sick

Ann Romney: ‘The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.’

Comedian

Home

Mom

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew’s Birthday.

Celebrate

Funny Christmas

Littles

Didn’t we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they’ll soon be debating slavery.

Action

Settling

Slavery

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

Funny

Men

Technology

I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

Bullets

Care

Proposal

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Funny

Money

Nice

John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.

Men

Secret

Should Have

Let’s not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he’s said in public.

Dumb

Idiotic

Said

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4th Of July

Action

Age

Anniversary

Believe

Birthday

Black

Bullets

Cain

Care

Celebrate

Christie

Christmas

Comedian

Country

Crazy

Cutting

Dog

Dreamer

Dumb

Earthquakes

Eight

Fake

Funny

Funny Christmas

Gay

Gps

Gun

Home

House

Hurricanes

Idiotic

Littles

Made

Mark

Men

Mom

Money

Needs

Nice

Oil

Pakistan

People

Political

Proposal

Race

Real

Religious

Republican

Return

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Quotes by Andy Borowitz

Andy Borowitz

A race between Perry and Christie would test whether Americans would rather be executed or eaten.

A Romney presidency will be awesome unless you’re poor, sick, gay, female, Mexican or a dog.

Ann Romney: ‘The hardest part of being a stay at home mom was deciding which of our homes to stay at.’

Christmas never would have caught on if it had been called Celebrate a Little Jew’s Birthday.

Didn’t we settle contraception & affirmative action? If the GOP keep going backwards they’ll soon be debating slavery.

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

I make the modest proposal that psychiatric care should be as easy to get as bullets at Wal-Mart.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

John Edwards is a tragic case of a man who ran for President when he should have joined the Secret Service.

Let’s not let a few dumb things Mitt Romney said in private overshadow the many idiotic things he’s said in public.

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Topics by Andy Borowitz

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The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

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