Quotes by S. J. Perelman

S. J. Perelman

“In France,” Marcel said with wintry dignity, “accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen.”

France

Funny

Kitchen

A basic ingredient in the manufacture of perfume, the attar-a heavy, pale-yellow oil stored in small metal drums-had been put up as collateral by Bulgaria, in lieu of gold, at the Moscow Narodny Bank, a Communist finance house for East-West trade.

House

Oil

Pale Yellow

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

Cities

Fool

Wife

All right, so call me Miss Cliche of 1960, but the thing about the married ones that always spooks me is how sweet and attentive they are at first, when they’re on the prowl.

Missing

Sweet

Women

As for consulting a dentist regularly, my punctuality practically amounted to a fetish. Every twelve years I would drop whatever I was doing and allow wild Caucasian ponies to drag me to a reputable orthodontist.

Ponies

Twelve

Years

Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you’re going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.

California

Funny

Giving

English life, while very pleasant, is rather bland. I expected kindness and gentility and I found it, but there is such a thing as too much couth.

Found

Kindness

Too Much

Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.

Bottom

Deck

Fate

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there’s a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue.

Feel Better

Funny

Humor

He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.

Bites

Lips

Sympathy

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Adventure

Age

Airplane

Anniversary

Anorexia

Apples

Aquariums

August

Awards

Beautiful

Believer

Bites

Book

Bottom

Boys

Brother

California

Cities

Civilization

Cooking

Country

Criticism

Deck

Discovery

Doors

Editing

Editors

Entrepreneur

Evening

Facts

Fans

Fate

Feel Better

Feels

Food

Fool

Forgiveness

Forgiving

Found

France

Funny

Gentility

Girl

Giving

Glasses

Half

Hands

Hero

Hollywood

Home

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

Tool

The Autobiography

Tool

The Behaviour Diary

Tool

The Dating Diary

Tool

The Relationship Therapist

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Quotes by S. J. Perelman

S. J. Perelman

“In France,” Marcel said with wintry dignity, “accidents occur in the bedroom, not the kitchen.”

A basic ingredient in the manufacture of perfume, the attar-a heavy, pale-yellow oil stored in small metal drums-had been put up as collateral by Bulgaria, in lieu of gold, at the Moscow Narodny Bank, a Communist finance house for East-West trade.

A farm is an irregular patch of nettles bounded by short-term notes, containing a fool and his wife who didn’t know enough to stay in the city.

All right, so call me Miss Cliche of 1960, but the thing about the married ones that always spooks me is how sweet and attentive they are at first, when they’re on the prowl.

As for consulting a dentist regularly, my punctuality practically amounted to a fetish. Every twelve years I would drop whatever I was doing and allow wild Caucasian ponies to drag me to a reputable orthodontist.

Do you know anything at all that nobody else knows or, for that matter, gives a damn about? If you do, then sit tight, because one of these days you’re going to Hollywood as a technical supervisor on a million dollar movie.

English life, while very pleasant, is rather bland. I expected kindness and gentility and I found it, but there is such a thing as too much couth.

Fate was dealing from the bottom of the deck.

FREEDLEY: Will I feel better after I take it? DR. FITCH (coldly): I, am a physician, Freedley, not an astrologer. If you want a horoscope, there’s a gypsy tearoom over on Lexington Avenue.

He bit his lip in a manner which immediately awakened my maternal sympathy, and I helped him bite it.

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Topics by S. J. Perelman

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The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

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