Quotes by Ross W. Greene

Ross W. Greene

A lot of parents aren’t exactly sure how to go about solving a problem with a kid in a way that’s mutually satisfactory – doing that with their child feels very foreign to a lot of people. It probably explains why so many parents tell me their kids don’t listen to them and why so many kids tell me that they don’t feel heard.

Children

Kids

People

Be your kid’s collaborative partner, but also be a collaborative partner with the folks at school. Schools can be pretty unilateral too. Show them you know how to collaborate. Show them this is not about power. Let them know detentions and suspensions and paddling don’t solve the problems that are affecting kids’ lives. Those problems can be identified and solved but not by being punitive.

Kids

Paddling

School

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

Fantasy

Challenging behavior is just a signal, the fever, the means by which the kid is communicating that he or she is having difficulty meeting an expectation.

Expectations

Kids

Mean

Everybody is talking about the behavior. Behaviors float downstream to us. We need to paddle upstream. The problems that are causing the behaviors, that’s what’s waiting for us. It’s a crucial paradigm shift.

Needs

Talking

Waiting

For a very long time, people have been saying to me, “What if you want to do this approach with every kid?” For a behaviorally challenging kid, you’re parenting this way just to help bring the kid’s behavior under control and to greatly reduce conflict. But you want to teach all kids the skills that are on the better side of human nature: empathy, appreciating how one’s behavior is affecting other people, resolving disagreements in ways that do not involve conflict, taking another’s perspective, honesty.

Honesty

Kids

People

If a solution isn’t mutually satisfactory, it’s not going to stick.

Ifs

Solutions

Sticks

If we’re being unilateral, then communication does not happen, the relationship does not happen.

Communication

Doe

Ifs

If we’re sitting at dinner and there’s no conversation going on because everybody’s got their head someplace else in their iPhone, that’s a family problem that needs to be solved.

Iphone

Needs

Sitting

It’s a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

Behavior

Modification

Problem

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Advice

Behavior

Breathing

Children

Clay

Communication

Daughter

Doe

Expectations

Fantasy

Growth

Heat

Homework

Honesty

Ideas

Ifs

Iphone

Issues

Kids

Mean

Modification

Mold

Needs

Night

Paddling

Parent

Partners

People

Problem

Problem Solving

Resentment

School

Sides

Sitting

Skills

Solutions

Sticks

Stills

Stressed

Strings

Struggle

Talking

Taught

These Days

Thinking

Together

Trying

Waiting

Way

Years

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

Tool

The Autobiography

Tool

The Behaviour Diary

Tool

The Dating Diary

Tool

The Relationship Therapist

Tool

Quotes by Ross W. Greene

Ross W. Greene

Being completely in control is a fantasy.

Challenging behavior is just a signal, the fever, the means by which the kid is communicating that he or she is having difficulty meeting an expectation.

Everybody is talking about the behavior. Behaviors float downstream to us. We need to paddle upstream. The problems that are causing the behaviors, that’s what’s waiting for us. It’s a crucial paradigm shift.

If a solution isn’t mutually satisfactory, it’s not going to stick.

If we’re being unilateral, then communication does not happen, the relationship does not happen.

If we’re sitting at dinner and there’s no conversation going on because everybody’s got their head someplace else in their iPhone, that’s a family problem that needs to be solved.

It’s a whole lot more productive to be in problem-solving mode than it is to be in behavior modification mode.

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Topics by Ross W. Greene

Popular Tools

The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

The Relationship Therapist

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