Quotes by Greg Giraldo

Greg Giraldo

“You’re an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.”

Dresses

Funny

Men

A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women’s breast milk. My wife’s breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I’m like, well, maybe it’s making my child fireproof.

Children

Fire

Wife

A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.

Controversial

Laughing

Surprise

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake’s career.

Careers

Evidence

Needs

Americans are not gonna conserve. We’re not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can’t – we have big, fat kids.

Bigs

Car

Kids

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

Epa

Jersey

Thinking

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

Complexes

Korea

Napoleon Complex

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can’t stop eating.

Eating

Sex

Underwear

Even before the kids are born, you’ve go to make these decisions. If it’s a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it’s a girl, do we keep her?

Boys

Girl

Kids

Everybody thought that Titanic was the most romantic movie ever. A story about two teenagers who knew each other for three days. Try to make that movie with a couple that’s been together for a few years. ‘Get in the goddamn boat, Rose!’ ‘I don’t wanna get in the boat!’ ‘Get in, come on, I’m freezing my ass off out here! I wanted to go to Jamaica, but no, we had to go on a cruise in the middle of the winter!’ ‘You never draw me naked anymore’

Couple

Teenager

Winter

Follow The Behaviour University in order to get the greatest quotes from the greatest people of all time so that you can tap into your own greatness.

Adults

Albums

Allies

Ally Mcbeal

Animal

Attitude

Balance

Believe

Belts

Bigs

Book

Boys

Car

Careers

Children

Chocolate

Closets

Clothes

College

Comedian

Complexes

Controversial

Cop

Country

Couple

Creepy

Crowds

Culture

Disease

Doe

Dog

Done

Down And

Dream

Dresses

Driving

Earning

Eating

Epa

Evidence

Example

Excess

Eye

Fate

Feet

Felt

Fighting

Fire

Firsts

Frank

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

Tool

The Autobiography

Tool

The Behaviour Diary

Tool

The Dating Diary

Tool

The Relationship Therapist

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Quotes by Greg Giraldo

Greg Giraldo

“You’re an old man who dresses like a Hooter’s waitress.”

A dangerous fire retardant chemical is being found in women’s breast milk. My wife’s breastfeeding, but you know, you gotta be an optimist. I’m like, well, maybe it’s making my child fireproof.

A good joke provides tension, and then, release of that tension. You build the tension by saying things that are controversial. The release is the laugh. The bigger the surprise or insight in your joke, the bigger the laugh.

All the evidence we need that God is angry with us is Justin Timberlake’s career.

Americans are not gonna conserve. We’re not gonna shift to smaller cars. We can’t – we have big, fat kids.

Christine Todd Whitman had to resign as the head of the EPA. You know, when the governor of New Jersey decides the environment is hopeless, you gotta really think that one through.

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

Edible underwear?… even during sex, we can’t stop eating.

Even before the kids are born, you’ve go to make these decisions. If it’s a boy, do we get him circumcised? If it’s a girl, do we keep her?

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Topics by Greg Giraldo

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The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

The Relationship Therapist

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