Quotes by Greg Fitzsimmons

Greg Fitzsimmons

As a single couple, we are no longer able to hang around with married couples ’cause they cannot be in our presence without getting very annoying. It’s always like, ‘So, when are you guys getting married? Huh? When are you getting married? When are you guys getting married?!’ I dunno, you’re married – when are you gonna die? You’re already married, death will be next. When are you gonna die?

Able

Couple

Guy

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

Debt

Fun

Mean

Don’t be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober… I’m dead inside.

Debt

Looks

Shapes

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

Driving

Kids

Two

Ever see a skinny guy on a cold day? You know they tremble like Chihuahuas. Then you see a fat guy in a tank top – nine degrees, he’s sweatin’. Look at ‘Titanic,’ remember the boat goes into the icy cold waters? Little skinny Leonardo: dead. Final scene, Kathy Bates on a rowboat, coat open, eating a hotdog.

Guy

Tanks

Water

I called my grandmother yesterday. She picks up the phone, ‘Oh hello, dear, hold on a second, I just stepped out of the shower. Let me go put some clothes on.’ I said, ‘Hey Grandma, don’t ever tell me you’re naked again. Go put a lot of clothes on. Then put some more clothes on. I’m going to sit here and drink and try to forget you naked in my head.’ I’ll never eat raisins again.

Grandma

Grandmother

Phones

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints.

Challenges

Creative

Writing

I feel life is to be lived. You want to spend your time doing things and being with friends and all that.

Feels

Life Is

Want

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

Grapes

Jelly

Young

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.

Hard

Olympics

Trying

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Able

Awkward

Be Good

Black

Boston

Bread

Challenges

Comedian

Computer

Country

Couple

Creative

Cynical

Debt

Doe

Dog

Drinking

Driving

Drunk

Dumb

Everyday

Fall

Father

Feels

Fighting

Filled

Fun

Giving

Good Luck

Grandma

Grandmother

Grapes

Growing Up

Guy

Hair

Hanging Out

Hard

Hard Times

Heart

Hipster

Home

Ideas

Identity

Ifs

Interesting

Jelly

Kids

Knows

Life Is

Looks

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

Tool

The Autobiography

Tool

The Behaviour Diary

Tool

The Dating Diary

Tool

The Relationship Therapist

Tool

Quotes by Greg Fitzsimmons

Greg Fitzsimmons

Debt means you had more fun than you were supposed to.

Don’t be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober… I’m dead inside.

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

I enjoy writing the same way I enjoy doing standup. Part of the challenge is being creative and making it work no matter what the constraints.

I feel life is to be lived. You want to spend your time doing things and being with friends and all that.

I feel like I am too old to eat jelly. But I am too young to eat prunes. I am between grapes.

I have to stop watching the Olympics. It just reminds me that I forgot to try really hard at something.

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Topics by Greg Fitzsimmons

Popular Tools

The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

The Relationship Therapist

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