Quotes by David Cross

David Cross

Back when the Bible was written, then edited, then rewritten, then rewritten, then re-edited, then translated from dead languages, then re-translated, then edited, then rewritten, then given to kings for them to take their favorite parts, then rewritten, then re-rewritten, then translated again, then given to the pope for him to approve, then rewritten, then edited again, the re-re-re-re-rewritten again…all based on stories that were told orally 30 to 90 years AFTER they happened.. to people who didnt know how to write… so…

Bible

Kings

Writing

Because I think whenever you sit down with another human being who would absolutely disagree with you on every issue, you learn about them as a person and you relate, in human terms, and it’s much more difficult for either side to dismiss out of hand, like that person’s a freak, that person’s a Nazi.

Hands

Issues

Thinking

Because you’ve been on dates where y’know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

Eye

Funny

Humor

Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.

Funny

Humor

People

Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I’m not sure I’d go back.

Florida

Lows

States

Go back and read Sinclair Lewis – It Can’t Happen Here or Babbitt. For a guy or girl who’s going to do an hour of political comedy, it might be a little rough, sure. But I think if you’re spending 10 minutes or less, and you’re talking about – not necessarily [Donald Trump] but his supporters and the media coverage, there’s all kinds of angles to explore. It doesn’t just have to be simply, “This guy is crazy!” It’s more about the idea of that kind of guy rising to the prominence he has, to actually become the Republican candidate.

Crazy

Girl

Thinking

High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they’re both great to read when you’re baked, but come on, ya know.

Children

Funny

Humor

Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I’ve always had people upset. I’ve never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.

Crowds

People

Upset

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m not a Republican. I’m not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.

Funny

Party

War

I do believe that on a whole, women are definitely smarter than men… I also believe that dogs are smarter than women. No? That one, you don’t believe it? You believe that I didn’t do a series of tests? You are right to not believe it, because I’m going to go ahead and admit that I do not believe what I just said, it was what’s described as a ‘joke.’ Um, I’ll be telling a bunch of them here tonight.

Believe

Dog

Funny

Follow The Behaviour University in order to get the greatest quotes from the greatest people of all time so that you can tap into your own greatness.

America

Attachment

Basements

Believe

Best Things

Bible

Brain

Careers

Character

Children

Cities

Comedy

Comic

Concerned

Condescending

Country

Crazy

Critics

Crowds

Different

Dog

Drug

Exit

Eye

Fans

Florida

Fun

Funny

Gay

Get Away

Girl

Gun

Gun Control

Hands

Hopefully

Humor

Ideas

Intellectual

Interesting

Issues

January

Kind

Kings

Lows

Majority

Mean

Media

Millions

Needs

Negative

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Quotes by David Cross

David Cross

Because you’ve been on dates where y’know, you forget to open your eyes and wear pants and speak English.

Besides if people really want to support the troops they would vote democrat.

Florida was the low point.The entire state, yep. I’m not sure I’d go back.

High Times magazine is a notch intellectually below Highlights for Children. I mean, they’re both great to read when you’re baked, but come on, ya know.

Hopefully people are upset for the reason I want them to be upset. Even when I was doing open mics, I’ve always had people upset. I’ve never been the consummate crowd-pleaser.

I am against the war, but I do support our white troops. No, I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I’m not a Republican. I’m not a member of the party of inclusion. Wonderful, tolerant, rational human beings they are.

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The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

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