Quotes by Billy Connolly

Billy Connolly

,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they’re all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.

Football

People

Soccer

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

Funny

Humor

Men

And then there was my mate who’d just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. “It’s the best in the world”, he said. “What type is it?”, I asked and he said “ten past twelve”.

Funny

Humor

Past

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!

Funny

Inspirational

Witty

Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.

Baby

Purpose

Don’t die until you’re dead.

Aging

Dies

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

Jobs

Workplace

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don’t sit in the dark hiding. It’s easy to hide and shout and waste people’s time.

Dark

People

Want

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

Hands

Issues

People

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

Girl

Heart

Thinking

Follow The Behaviour University in order to get the greatest quotes from the greatest people of all time so that you can tap into your own greatness.

Aberdeen

Acting

Adelaide

Adventure

Advice

Aging

Air

America

Angel

Answers

Arses

Artist

Ass

Asteroids

Atheist

Baby

Balls

Beach

Being Happy

Believe

Blow

Book

Born

Britain

Buckets

Building

Care

Caverns

Clever

Coffee

Comedy

Constitution

Country

Crosses

Dark

Desert

Dies

Disease

Dog

Doors

Drawing

Encouragement

Europe

Expensive

Father

Fighting

Fog

Football

Fun

Funny

The Future Blueprint

Tool

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

Tool

The Autobiography

Tool

The Behaviour Diary

Tool

The Dating Diary

Tool

The Relationship Therapist

Tool

Quotes by Billy Connolly

Billy Connolly

,000 people in Hampden Park. Of course they’re all Scottish. Because no one else goes there. The English have an unwritten rule: they only go to places they might get back from.

All anyone really needs to know about barbed wire is that it can tear the arse out of your trousers, give a cow a good fright, entangle a Yorkshire terrier for life, and is nasty stuff made by greedy men.

And then there was my mate who’d just been fitted with a brand new hearing aid. “It’s the best in the world”, he said. “What type is it?”, I asked and he said “ten past twelve”.

Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes!

Don’t buy one of those baby intercoms. Babies pretend to be dead. They’re bastards, and they do it on purpose.

Don’t die until you’re dead.

Don’t tell me how to do my job. I don’t come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.

Heckling is an act of cowardice. If you want to speak, get up in front of the microphone and speak, don’t sit in the dark hiding. It’s easy to hide and shout and waste people’s time.

I always look skint. When I buy a Big Issue, people take it out of my hand and give me a pound.

I am totally, absolutely romantic. When I broke up with a girl I would listen to the most heart-breaking music and make it worse. That’s what girls do. I think I am a girl really.

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Topics by Billy Connolly

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The Future Blueprint

The Home Therapist: Anti Anxiety

The Autobiography

The Behaviour Diary

The Dating Diary

The Relationship Therapist

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