Quotes by Bill Cosby

Bill Cosby

“And tired” always followed sick. Worst beating I ever got in my life, my mother said, “I am just sick…” And I said, “And tired.” I don’t remember anything after that.

Funny

Mother

Tired

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A father… knows exactly what those boys at the mall have in their depraved little minds because he once owned such a depraved little mind himself. In fact, if he thinks enough about the plans that he used to have for young girls, the father not only will support his wife in keeping their daughter home but he might even run over to the mall and have a few of those boys arrested.

Daughter

Girl

Running

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A Hoyo de Monterrey double corona is my favourite Cuban since Desi Arnaz.

Cigar

Cuban

Cuban Cigars

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A pelican that is wet walks with a gated limp, but a dry fish swims alone.

Dry

Pelicans

Swim

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A person with no children says, “Well I just love children,” and you say “Why?” and they say, “Because a child is so truthful, that’s what I love about ’em – they tell the truth.” That’s a lie, I’ve got five of ’em. The only time they tell the truth is if they’re having pain.

Children

Funny

Pain

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A sail boat that sails backwards can never see the sun rise.

Funny

Humor

Sun

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After creating the heaven, the earth, the ocean, and the entire animal kingdom, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was “Don’t.”

Funny

God

Humorous

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All around the United States of America – in the cities and the counties – our public education is suffering and has been suffering. Cuts, cuts, cuts.

America

Cities

Cutting

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All Children Have Brain Damage!

Brain

Children

Damage

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Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Children

Funny

Mom

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